Memories in the Mileage

Wow...I knew selling our Honda Odyssey would be tough...but not this tough! Yesterday we purchased a 2008 Suzuki XL7:


We decided we needed a better car for all of the mountains in CO. First of all we were planning on keeping our Honda (for me to drive around CO Springs in) and selling our Jeep (getting a better car for Scott to drive between Co Springs and Denver in)....but after some thought, we realized we are going to be living with Scott's parents who already own 2 cars...do we really need 4 cars between us? we may as well sell both the Jeep AND the Honda. When I originally thought about selling the Honda a couple days ago I got a bit sad because I LOVE my Honda. It's been primarily my car for the past 3 years. Scott only drove it if we were going somewhere together. It was the first car we've ever bought. We've driven all over the US in it. We've made so many decisions in it, prayed in it, laughed in it, cried it. Been SO frustrated at it for breaking down. And the most recent treasured memory made in it was bringing Livvi home from the hospital. We love to name our cars but for the longest time we couldn't decide on a name for our Honda. We couldn't even decide if it was a boy or a girl (I know you all do this :P I'm not weird :P). The Honda is a tan color...let me just add a pic of it so you know what I'm talking about:



I get warm fuzzy's when I see this car...it was apart of our home. I could always be myself in that car, if that makes sense.
Anyhow...so finally we decided it was a girl and her name was Bessy :) She didn't have the fasted acceleration on the block..then again she was born in 1995! She has been a trooper! I loved my Bessy.

SO yesterday we buy the Suzuki. The dealership guys advise us to sell our Honda on Craigslist, we'd get the most $$ selling it privately. They said it would take a couple days, no more than a week and it would be sold! So we figured that is what we would do. So I go to work this afternoon, driving the new car..oooooh it's nice :) When I got home 7 hours later from work..I pull into the parking lot, and the Honda is nowhere to be seen. My first thought "SOMEONE STOLE IT!!!!!" Then I thought maybe Scott took it somewhere, but by no means there was no way on earth he could of sold it in one afternoon. He hadn't even put it on Criagslist at 4:30pm when I left.
I am praying to God the whole walk into the apt that it hasn't been stolen..I get inside and ask Scott
F- "did you go anywhere tonight?"
S - blank look on his face "no"
F - "Scott....the Honda isn't out there"
S - "What do you mean?"
F - "I mean it's gone..it's not parked out there anymore"
S - "really?"
F- "oh my gosh was it stolen?!?
S - "oh my gosh are you serious?
F - starting to freak out
S - "maybe it was sold?"
F - "sold? what? this evening?...wait WHAT????
S - HUGE smile
F - getting frustrated "Scott don't joke with me, tell me if it's been stolen or sold?!? I'm seriously freaking out"
S - "It's sold"
F - D.I.S.B.E.L.I.E.F "how in the world did you sell it in the time I was gone?!"

We went into the kitchen, sat on the floor and leaned up against the dishwasher and Scott proceeded to tell me how he posted it on Craiglist soon after I left for work but was a little discouraged by the amount of other car postings on there, thinking how is this '95 Honda gonna stand out in the sea of beautiful cars out there. But no joke, 10 mins later he gets an email from Kuma. A guy VERY interested in the car who can come and look at it right away and will pay in cash then and there! Scott was in shock...he was obviously looking after Livvi, so he quickly took her over to our neighbors place so he could clean out the rest of the bits and pieces we had left in the car and be able to test drive the car with Kuma without Livvi riding along in the back :P Praise the Lord our neighbors were home! (Thanks Mark and Gina!) Before Kuma even arrived (which was like 20mins after Scott got his email) Scott got 4 other emails from people who wanted to look at the car and had cash in hand. WOW!!! Kuma arrived, they took the car for a spin. He loved it but told Scott that it wasn't worth as much as Scott had posted it for. He said a price and Scott said yes...When Scott told me the price my heart sunk and honestly I was a bit frustrated at Scott for letting it go for so cheap...but I figured Scott was probably bummed with the price he sold it for so I didn't want to make him feel worse so I just told him through gritted teeth: "Good job Scott, thanks for selling it"
BUT THEN he handed me the wad of cash and told me to count it..I didn't want to count it, I was pretty bummed now. So Scott started to count it...and he had lied to me!!!! He sold it for double!!!!! I proceeded to hit him but then get super happy for how much we got for it..(ok, so we still didn't get a lot..haha but it was more than we could have hoped for, for a 95 Honda! :))

BUT THEN all of a sudden my emotions did a 180 and I burst out into tears realizing I didn't get to say goodbye to my dear Bessy! and she was gone...just like that...forever....I'm almost crying again just thinking about it. As I wrote in my previous blog, Scott and I have gone through a lot of change over the past 3 years and we are about to embark in a lot more change. But selling this car marks the first of many heart wrenching goodbyes. I cried on and off for over an hour. Thinking about Bessy. Thinking about packing up our life here. Thinking about starting a new life in CO Springs. All of a sudden reality hit me and knocked the wind out of me...and I was broken.

There is no way God wasn't in the finding of our new car. (which actually looks a lot like a much newer version of Bessy from the outside!)
There is no way God wasn't in the selling of our Honda. (I am still shocked thinking about how it all happened.)
And there is no way God won't be with us when we say goodbye to all of our dear friends here in Tampa.

This move will break my heart.

But just as it says in Psalm 51 vs 17
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
With my broken heart I will go to Him and I have full assurance that He will mend it and continue to form it into the shape of Him.

We aren't moving because we want to leave Tampa, our friends and our church. We are moving because we want to be obedient to His call on our lives.

If you are reading this and right now are struggling with a call God has placed on your heart in any area of your life. I encourage you to not fight it...I know it might hurt, I know it might be hard....but be obedient. There is no greater act than to be obedient to our Heavenly Father.

Well...it's almost 2am. Liv will be hungry in 4 hours, so I better get some sleep before then.

Thanks for letting me be real and process through the grief that has already begun.

Much love,

Fi